Tuesday, March 19, 2013

I'm Good

Tickle Brits, the Dromedy about a British run "Escort Service" in America, is entering it's third season  Jennifer slammed the paper on the table. "What the hell."
The pristine kitchen is white  and mint green. The "hidden" fridge hummed as sun shines through the window herb garden over the sink. Even the table Jennifer sits at is clean and perfect. 
How could they do this?
She crossed over to a kitchen garage lifts the door a pile of papers slide out. She pushes others out of the way and pulled out a phone.  Pushing the quick dial button she puts it to her ear. She leans on the counter and stares at the mock doors across the island, aware of the hum. In the sink is one plate with the little yellow ball still on it. The best part of her one egg, one apple and two sprigs of asparagus breakfast. She already felt guilty for the asparagus sauteed with olive oil and garlic. It was a cheat, a small compromise .
She realized someone was trying to get her attention on the other side of the phone. "Hello? Okay, then I'm going…"
"Wait, sorry, get me Jack."
"Mr. Montegue isn't in right now."
"Tell him to get on the phone or I'll come over and shove this one up his ass."
The receptionist stuttered and said, "He, um… He said he's going to be out all day"
"Decent recovery there, you'll do good on television, Now Get Jack on the Fricking phone now."
"I'll see if he's in."
The television classics started up. It got to the promo, "Your dreams are about to become reality, here at…"
"Jack." interrupted the clear baritone.
"Jack, what the fuck."
"Jenny, what seems to be the issue."
"Oh don't even start that. I read it in the paper."
"Jen, I tried to get the new contract. They wanted to go another way."
"I'm the fricking star of this show, how can they dump me?"
"Well." He never hesitated, especially if he was lying.
"Okay," he started over. "Last year, you gained 20 pounds."
"I was going through fucking Menopause."
"I know I tried to tell them. they didn't want a fat Matron."
"Fuck, jack I'm doing fine. I've lost it all and them some. " The hum seemed to be getting louder. She started to dig for the emergency stash.
"Did you send them the pictures?"
"Yes of course."
"Jen dear, don't get so upset. I'm trying."
"Jack, I loved doing that show."
"I know”
“Well do something." She hung up then slammed the drawer in front of her. what's the use of having a landline if you can't slam the phone down

She lit a cigarette and took a long drag and held it for a bit feeling the burn in her lungs. The hum faded a little.
She walked through the house. looking at herself in every reflective surface she passed. She got to the bedroom and fell backward onto the bed. She pushed another button and let it ring. Sucking or blowing on each ring. ash fell freely on the bed.
"Helloooooooo" came a very effeminate male voice on the other end.
"Hello Thomas" She said pronouncing it To-mas.
A scream answered on the other end, "Jennie darling how are you, OMG you won't guess what I found at Dé Poof. It's the most darling set of his and his peach tanks."
wow, it only took two seconds to get the gay reference out, not bad
"Sounds divine, can you put Rigo on."
"Oh sure he's down stairs. Youshouldseethewaythose..." and rambled without taking a breath until. "Here he is."  Away from the phone she could hear “it's your ex vagina.”
“Lo jenny”
“How did you know it was me? Oh that's right I'm the only beard you rode with a twat.”
“She’s protective.”
He’s a bitch.”
“What’s up?” he said in his “understanding voice”
“Why is anything up?”
“A. You called, and B. you forced a pronoun.”
“Oh fuck you.”
“Is it the show?”
“Yes, when else do I call you?” she paused, she could hear the soft chuckle on the other side. “Okay, I was fired.”
“Why, did you piss off another producer?”
“No, Jack said it was because of the weight I gained last year.”
“Oh honey, they hired you fat.” Thomas jumped in.
            “Thomas, will you get off the phone Jennifer and I are talking.”
“Rigo, I just needed to ask if you wanted the Capri’s or were we just going to wear trunks.”
“I don’t like those things.”
“Fine. Jennie there are a lot of movies for large women of a certain age on Lifetime..”
“Oh all right.” they could hear the extension beep off
“I love him but sometimes.”
“What, ever. He’s right though I’m too old to do sexy.”
“Like hell. Dear I would have left you long ago if you hadn’t been so damn good.” He dropped to a whisper, “I’ve never made that sound with anyone else, even Thomas.”
“Yay, I’m a flame dame, I can’t even get a real man.”
“Low, Jen, low.”
“Oh, you know.  God, I’m the one getting old and you are getting a second youth. Trunks really?”
“Yeah, he had to beg. I look good in them though.”
“A little decorum, please.”
“Sorry. How is the diet going. Stress is a killer”
“I’m on my second cigarette”
“that bad, want me to come over?”
“Tonight? I’m going to call Jack again and see if he’s heard anything. I’ll text you with Ice Cream or Crudités”
“Will do, and I’ll leave Thomas at home.”


“Why do you always do that? Go running to her side?”
“I feel bad. You can try to be nicer, by the way.”
“Be nice to the other woman?”
“Your the other woman.”
“True, but how do I know I’m not just a temporary thing. I mean you keep telling me how she could make you squeak.”
“Yes, but I’m with you now, and only you.”
“Take me then, tonight.”
“I can’t, you’re mean to her.”
“You’re going to fuck her aren’t you?”
“Thomas,” his voice dropping a bit, ”she doesn’t have a lot of friends and she needs someone, besides I’m going to Puerto Vallarta with you for two glorious, mostly naked weeks.”
“Fine but I better not smell any fish on you when you get home.” And he turned and strutted out the room.
Rodrick picked up the phone and dialed a number. “Jack, it’s Rodrick.”
“Rigo, how’s it been?
“What’s this I hear about Jenny not being renewed.”
“Heard about that did you? Yeah, I don’t know what’s going on. I know that Waverton wasn’t happy working with her.”
“Waverton, that punk, she’s the one who got him the job.”
“I know but women love him, and women are the ones who watch the show.”
            “He’s a 32 year old piece of meat.”
“Yeah, and he’s the one who people talk about. Check the Facebook page, seriously all the comments are loving him, or dissing on Jennifer’s weight. Don’t you like him?”
“For a fuck yeah, the guy’s hot as hell, but he can’t act worth shit.”
“Doesn’t need to. Take that shirt off and words mean nothing. Hell ever see Vampire Diaries?”
“I get your point. Is it only the weight?”
“For Waverton? No, it’s her age.”
“Shit. Thanks, she’s going to call you soon, probably after another cigarette...”
“ooo, that bad huh?”
“Yeah, but don’t tell her about waverton yet.”
“Why so concerned.”
“I left at a bad time. 25 years, and she finds out I’ve been going to the bath house and hooking up in New York. She’s been great, better than what I deserve.”
“Well you lost a good girl.”
“Yeah. Later.” He hung up the phone thinking and that is why Thomas is so jealous.
He went into the other room to help pack.

“Miss, Miss wake up miss.” Jenny woke to the gentle nudging of Carmen.
“Oh, hello Carmen.”
“You shouldn’t smoke in the bed. You could start a  fire. eee, Mija, look you even put a hole in the covers.”
“It doesn’t matter Not like I have a future anyway.”
“You? What about me, I’d have to get a new job, and I just got done breaking you in.”
“That’s true.”
“Move, I need to fix the bed.”
Jennifer got up and moved to the side, she let her house maid work.”
“So the diet isn’t going well?” Carmen said.
“What? Oh it’s fine.”
“You only smoke when your diet is going bad.”
“I’m stressed, I got fired from the  show.”
            “The puta show?
“Yes that one.”
“That’s a good show, I like your man, his butt is...” She just shook her head.
“Tell me about it.”
“He’s lucky to have you, rather than some vieja. Your chi-chi’s still hold up. It’s from not having children. Speaking of which have you hear from Mr. Kingston?”
“Yes, Rodrick’s fine. Him and Thomas are going on vacation.”
“Aye, What does he see in that Puto.”
“Carmen, don’t.”
“Sorry, miss.”
She spent the next hour avoiding the call she had to make. She took a shower and washed her hair three times, washed every nook and cranny, favoring some crannies over others.  when she couldn’t turn the hot up any more she got out.


Buddy, buddy come on what is the problem.”
“I just can’t do it. It was awful

The doorbell rang and Jennifer staggered towards the door.
“Aye! güera!” Carmen scolded, “get away from that door. You’re drunk.”
“I’ve only had two glasses.”
“And five cigarettes, eat something.”
The bell started to ring repeatedly. “Chingow,” She said as she opened the door. Thomas was on the other side.
“‘Bout time cobrona”
“What the hell do you want, where’s Mr. Kingston?”
“I’m here that’s all that matters, go get me some wine, looks like our girl already started bring her some coffee, the instant you use will be fine.”
“I’m not drunk, I’m fat”
“Yes honey you are fat, but that hasn’t stopped the world from loving you. Come on lets get you someplace more stable than those two legs.
He grabbed her by the shoulders and led her to the living room and sat her down.
“Where’s Rodrick?”
“Oh I slipped him two valium, he’ll sleep till noon.”
“You are an evil man.”
“Stop that, I came to help.”
“How, you hate me.”
“No, honey, as much as I hate to admit this I think you’re adorable, I fear you. Or rather I fear that Rigo will realize that I was a midlife fling and go back to his breeder way’s, although I guess that’s out of the question with you now, the actual brood that is.”
“Why am I not asking you to leave?”
“I’ll do it.” Carmen came in with a glass of wine and a cup of coffee.
“I intrigue you.” He said handing the coffee to Jennifer. “Now drink up. Juanita, be a dear and get us some crackers with a little spread of some sort.”
Carmen looked murderous. Jennifer nodded her head apologetically and carmen went back to the kitchen.
So I think that I have the perfect plan, it involves a vowel, a teddy and your best girl.


Bud Waverton opened the door to find his old, and he meant that literally, co-star standing in a long trench coat.
“What brings you here tonight?
“Oh the winds of change.”
“You heard, huh?”
“I heard. Excuse me.” and she pushed herself past him, her hand brushing his bare chest.
“It sucks. But things happen.”
“Oh yeah, I know. Like me geting replaced by a woman 25 years younger than me.”
“It must be hard, I’m sorry.”
“Yeah, I’m sure you are.”
“Come to the kitchen with me, want some wine?”
“Sure” they both sat down, Him in a pair of basketball shorts her still covered by the trench coat.
“Look, I don’t make the rules.”
“I remember thinking that. Pretty, successful, talented.” She sipped the wine. How did she do that in that way. He forgot how easy it was to play off of her, it wasn’t much like acting. “I told everyone what they needed to do to keep me. I didn’t realize it at the time but people lost parts and got parts on my word.” Another sip. How did she do that?
 She moved to the breakfast bar and sat on the stool, how she crossed her legs to make them show just so. It was discomforting. She was so old. “Did you come to seduce me, make some sort of scene?”
She laughed, “What? seduce you?” she laughed again. Sweet, caring seductive. “Honey I came to talk.” She began to take off her coat. he tensed. Underneath was a pair of jean shorts and a simple  V-neck shirt that showed just enough of the breasts to bring attention to them. They were real ones, not like most of the girls he’d been with.
“We worked on a comedy, A sexy one, but at it’s heart a comedy. What should it matter?” Red flags were flying, something was going on. Bud stood up and walked over to her.
“It’s late and I have to work tomorrow.”
“Oh I know, I’m sorry, I just needed to talk to someone.” She stroked his arm and it shot straight to his groin.
“Look,” She said stepping in closer to him. “I know I had a bad year,” She touched him again this time right at that spot on his ear. “Heaven know’s it was tough.”
“Uh, yeah,” He took a step back, she seemed to flow with him.

She had him, His need to be commando betrayed him. For two years she worked with him. Playing for laughs and seriousness. She knew every erogenous zone on his over sexed body. He’d never had a real woman.
“Um...” he said. She could see the the inner fight.
“Um?” She pulled in close putting her breasts just close enough for him to feel the heat. He was very attractive. She let her desire for him flow through her. It helped her. She always controlled it now she was using it to control him.
His resolve fell. He moved in, with what she knew to be his best move. His lips missed her entirely and she moved behind him. One hand on his chest the other underneath the navel. He was hard. “It’s sad we don’t get to work together anymore.” she said moving his hips with hers. She moved her hands to his rhythm, “Imagine all the fun we could have had.”
She moved him, and touched him. Talking softly in his ears.
“imagine all the wonderful things I could show you.” she said, she could see him shaking, “ I could have given you so much pleasure you would squeal.”
He moaned, She held him up and with a stroke of her finger on his stomach he came. She held him until he relaxed, turned him and threw him against the wall. His eyes wide.
“I could have taught you so much, I’m the one with the talent, on screen and,” she nodded for emphasis, “off.”
“You get a little fame, fame because of hormonal teenagers and lonely women and you think you have power? That’s not power. And that is not talent.” She grabbed her coat, turned and before walking out, “It’s time for you to grow up little boy. Learn what a real woman can do for you.”

She got home, Thomas and Carmen were playing cards. They looked at her, “You do good to fear me.”
“I’m a flamboyant fag, I am by no means stupid.”
“No, no you’re not. But you do underestimate me. Here’s your E and this is what I used.” She removed her jacket.
“Woman you just went up in threat level and admiration.”
“Thank you Thomas, I forgot who I was.”
The phone range, the three of them looked at each other.
“Jenny, Jack, Sorry for calling so late, but you’ll never guess what just happened.”
“Tell them no.”
“I don’t need that show. Tell them no.” and she hung up the phone.
“We need cake.” Carmen said.
“You two can have it. I’m good.”

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