March 7, 2013
Marlo looked off in the distance, her eyes focuses on a bird so high it was barely discernible. Work lay splayed on her desk. How wonderful it would be to be a bird she thought. The wind holding her up free from the ground.
A small breeze blew across her face for just a moment as her co-worker's fan oscillated her direction. Like happiness it would be back if only for a moment. She looked back to the bird, it was no longer there. A small pain in her chest grew and she fought to not let the tears come. They would have their chance later. Now it was time for work. Why? did it even matter to try to make anything of this daily drudgery.
He had won the lottery and left. She let him back in her life and he ditched her. She gave up a full ride scholarship for him. Gave up happiness for him. Jimmy couldn't understand and walked away. He was in dire straights a failing liver and she let him back in. He left her once before. Before she should have been left alone.
Mindy told her the normal shit, "your still young, you have your whole life ahead of you." But that wasn't the point. She was still in grade school when her mom died. She hadn't even had her first period and her mom was no longer there to take care of her. Help her see what was going on. And that bastard made her stay home so she could take care of him. He would hit her but he would love her too. They played games and she did her best to lose to him. Her winning would make him so mad, but they laughed and he made her happy, sometimes.
One day he was gone. He said he needed to take care of his own life for awhile and was gone. Two weeks went by she was down to her last cup of rice but they turned off the power so she couldn’t cook it anyway. He hadn't paid it in six months. They didn't have a phone and they didn't have a television. She had no idea what to do. She found help and made her way through the lessons to catch up to the rest of the kids her age. She got A's, it was easy to do and the family she ended up with was really nice.
Her foster father came home drunk one day and started to treat her rough. She gave in to him and let him have her. He stopped before he could even unzip his pants. Her laying there brought him back. He started to work late and would pick up his wife and never was alone with her again. When she was off to college he said to her, "you are something, good or evil I don't know but never ever do for another man what you were willing to do for me. It saved me, I am glad. Don't let men treat you as a nothing more than a hole."
She took that to heart and went to college. She met Jimmy and he was nice. He kept urging her but she didn't. She worked hard and was getting the most of her education until one day Jimmy was being playfully aggressive and a man walked in and threw him off of her. He looked ill but still handled Jimmy like a rag doll.
He was sick and he needed her to help. He made her feel so bad about leaving him and not waiting for him to come back. She had to get two jobs to help with his bills. For two years she stayed with him and he said he loved her. He would stroke her hair and he made love to her. He said he loved her.
He won the lottery He took off. He died.
The money was gone. He'd spent it. Last hurrahs.
The insurance policy. It was expensive. She put up with old shoes and constant remarks about her clothes but she paid. The Doctor saw what was being done to her. He lied for her. Said it was a mis-diagnosis. Changed records. Made Him healthy on paper.
He’d been dead for a week when they found him. He died of a bullet to the head, No autopsy. The doctor got half. He didn't ask for it but he did his part.
She stared off out of the window, not sure what to do with the gun in the bottom cabinet.