I’d like to say the screen flickerd. Movies don’t flicker anymore, but the amount of information I was able to take in was astonishing. I thought I’d die evrything was crisp. Clean. I was seeing and remembering details that I had never even thought to put in my head. Each frame was a picture displayed for an eternity before the next one appeared. Smells were more crisp Popcorn, was something so fragrant that I had to have some. Even colors seemed more real. I had problems focusing on one topic and each thing moved to the next merging blending. Shows I’d seen years ago played a roll in my perception now.
Everything was so muted. I wanted to think of something and it flowed to that. And my body oh god, I could feel everything. I never thought I could sense the fire of life like this. It was hard to focus on things that didn’t bring the body into it. Sally Jefferies wasn’t the same. She was like meat. Her body and those breasts. Fuck I was starting to tent just being near her.
The car I inherited with this transition was awful. The interrior was a mess and it smelled of gas, but it was what I had so I used it. Apparently I had brothers. Assholes is more like it. They were shooting a few hoops and I asked to join. After laughing, harder than necessary, they let me play. I tried I really tried to shoot. It should have been easy but no there was so much input and so much happening. I couldn’t make the basket, at all. My muscles didn’t want to move the way I told them and the harder I tried the more information, the more processing started happening. It didn’t help that assthing 1 and assthing 2 kept pushing me down. I didn’t like this. I thought they were cool. I never understood how this dork could be related to them.
It was strange to have my body obey. I tripped over everything at first, then I relaxed and everything fell into place. For the hell of it I decided to go for a run. Oh man it felt so good. The blood rushing and the oxygen, I think, getting into my system. I found Mickey another nerd, an outcast like I used to be, he seemed so small. Only about two inches shorter than me but so fricken fragile, I could so break him. I felt ashamed and powerful at the same time.
I got to school, and started looking at the numbers and letters and all the graphs. I had no idea what was going on. I looked back towards the front of the book it was a boggled mess. I asked Sherman to explain it to me. I told him I’d pay him five bucks just to go over the lesson. It was so easy. Well easier. I’d have to go back and learn but it actually made sense the abstract head space was so cool.
All my classes were more interesting. I didn’t feel the need to move or go out side. I didn’t feel that rush. As vivid as things seemed my body just seemed like a thing. I wanted a rush, so I ran. Okay I figured I’d be out of shape but I got a mile in and started getting a headache and a little nauseated. Nothing like being out of shape. I actually hurt. This was not fun at all. Where was the rush?
I was late to football and got yelled at. I fumbled the ball and was in the wrong place. They had a code I should be able to crack but wasn’t getting it. I got slammed and tackled and was a mess. I started to get the hang of it a little but damn it was exhausting. Didn’t matter how good it felt I was tired. In the showers I saw myself naked. I looked good. I stayed a little to long and the guys wouldn’t let up. I’m sure it was worse for the poor performance I had today. I’d have to learn the rules and figure what I was doing.
I realised I was thinking more with my body, if that makes any sense. If I were going to learn I’d have to do it viscerally. Well shit how was that to work?
I pushed, training for sports was good. I had to mentally get myself to do things before I could get my body on board. That sucked but being able to capture things in my head without using my body was actually kind of cool. I asked my dad, a really neat guy, stood up for me against my brothers but tried to get me to do it myself, if I could take a martial art. And learn to use my body. It didn’t function well but it was trainable. I stood up to Mitch, The old me, and got the crap beat out of me. I hated him. But I refused to back down.
I was impressed and convicted. They guys saw Gil, the old me, sitting in the open area and started razzing him. He looked up shook his head and went back to the books. I called to him and he told me I was a fucking hypocrite. I lost it. I’ve been mad before but it was so different in this body. I lay into him. He fought back. He didn’t cower, got some good punches in too. Refused to go down.
They say you see red. Not true you see white. The guys refuse to let up because I started crying. I wouldn’t let up. I hated him. He did my body better. He didn’t just take it. He stood up to me. I hated him.
They let him off of course. Football star. Now I get it. I get the anger they had towards us. A two game suspension cut short because his grades were improving. I found out how too. He was tossing a football while Sally read the history assignments, running while listening to the english assignments. I was so dumb, ass hole is going to have it fucking all. I hate him.
****
Everything was so muted. I wanted to think of something and it flowed to that. And my body oh god, I could feel everything. I never thought I could sense the fire of life like this. It was hard to focus on things that didn’t bring the body into it. Sally Jefferies wasn’t the same. She was like meat. Her body and those breasts. Fuck I was starting to tent just being near her.
****
The car I inherited with this transition was awful. The interrior was a mess and it smelled of gas, but it was what I had so I used it. Apparently I had brothers. Assholes is more like it. They were shooting a few hoops and I asked to join. After laughing, harder than necessary, they let me play. I tried I really tried to shoot. It should have been easy but no there was so much input and so much happening. I couldn’t make the basket, at all. My muscles didn’t want to move the way I told them and the harder I tried the more information, the more processing started happening. It didn’t help that assthing 1 and assthing 2 kept pushing me down. I didn’t like this. I thought they were cool. I never understood how this dork could be related to them.
****
It was strange to have my body obey. I tripped over everything at first, then I relaxed and everything fell into place. For the hell of it I decided to go for a run. Oh man it felt so good. The blood rushing and the oxygen, I think, getting into my system. I found Mickey another nerd, an outcast like I used to be, he seemed so small. Only about two inches shorter than me but so fricken fragile, I could so break him. I felt ashamed and powerful at the same time.
****
I got to school, and started looking at the numbers and letters and all the graphs. I had no idea what was going on. I looked back towards the front of the book it was a boggled mess. I asked Sherman to explain it to me. I told him I’d pay him five bucks just to go over the lesson. It was so easy. Well easier. I’d have to go back and learn but it actually made sense the abstract head space was so cool.
All my classes were more interesting. I didn’t feel the need to move or go out side. I didn’t feel that rush. As vivid as things seemed my body just seemed like a thing. I wanted a rush, so I ran. Okay I figured I’d be out of shape but I got a mile in and started getting a headache and a little nauseated. Nothing like being out of shape. I actually hurt. This was not fun at all. Where was the rush?
****
I was late to football and got yelled at. I fumbled the ball and was in the wrong place. They had a code I should be able to crack but wasn’t getting it. I got slammed and tackled and was a mess. I started to get the hang of it a little but damn it was exhausting. Didn’t matter how good it felt I was tired. In the showers I saw myself naked. I looked good. I stayed a little to long and the guys wouldn’t let up. I’m sure it was worse for the poor performance I had today. I’d have to learn the rules and figure what I was doing.
I realised I was thinking more with my body, if that makes any sense. If I were going to learn I’d have to do it viscerally. Well shit how was that to work?
****
I pushed, training for sports was good. I had to mentally get myself to do things before I could get my body on board. That sucked but being able to capture things in my head without using my body was actually kind of cool. I asked my dad, a really neat guy, stood up for me against my brothers but tried to get me to do it myself, if I could take a martial art. And learn to use my body. It didn’t function well but it was trainable. I stood up to Mitch, The old me, and got the crap beat out of me. I hated him. But I refused to back down.
****
I was impressed and convicted. They guys saw Gil, the old me, sitting in the open area and started razzing him. He looked up shook his head and went back to the books. I called to him and he told me I was a fucking hypocrite. I lost it. I’ve been mad before but it was so different in this body. I lay into him. He fought back. He didn’t cower, got some good punches in too. Refused to go down.
They say you see red. Not true you see white. The guys refuse to let up because I started crying. I wouldn’t let up. I hated him. He did my body better. He didn’t just take it. He stood up to me. I hated him.
****
They let him off of course. Football star. Now I get it. I get the anger they had towards us. A two game suspension cut short because his grades were improving. I found out how too. He was tossing a football while Sally read the history assignments, running while listening to the english assignments. I was so dumb, ass hole is going to have it fucking all. I hate him.
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